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Clash of the jerks!

Okay, NOBODY PANIC, there’s a new Star Wars trailer. I’M NOT PANICKING YOU’RE PANICKING! I am absolutely keeping my expectations within limits! Wait, I’m hyperventilating, give me a second…breath…breath… Okay, I think I’m going to be fine. We’re all fine here, now. How are you? Anyway, I’m gonna go purchase my ticket to get on the Hype Train, I’ll see you later! *runs off frantically into the distance*

But, really, this is, like, the first Star Wars movie that’s not specifically about Rebels fighting the Empire or Jedi fighting the Sith. I’m supre jazzed for that! Also, clearly the Millennium Falcon is brand new when it’s introduced in this movie, thus laying to rest the old EU idea that the Falcon is like a hundred years old. You see, Lucas threw in an Easter Egg showing the Falcon landing on a platform in Revenge of the Sith, and later an old EU novel covered the history of the ship, explaining that it had been built and destroyed and rebuilt and handed off from owner to owner a half dozen times, and it wasn’t exactly new in RotS either. Personally, I found that pretty silly. Can’t it just be some ship?

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  • IDPounder

    I’m just here for the earth-shattering *KADOOOOSH*.

  • Yasmin Mazur

    The millennium Falcon is at the stage where it is a Cool Ship – it’s special because the plot was happening on it. Of course – you can have a model of a ship around – like the different Galaxy type ships on ST – saves money on props. Still – there’s only one Falcon / Enterprise / Serenity ect…

    • clogboy

      Ships similar to the Falcon (a YT-1300 light freighter) were in service for a long time, including the Ebon Hawk which existed about 4000 years before the movies timeline. Eventhough the MF is outdated ( it might be as commonplace as the Ford Mustang or a Ford Model A (which can be modded for drag races). In any case it’s highly modular and I can see smugglers do any sort of modifications to it.
      Since ships are better built to last, I don’t imagine it could’ve rolled off the assembly line during Solo’s lifetime, but it might very well have been retrofitted and put back in commission before he got his hands on it. (Large cruisers may see a lifetime of about a thousand years for example; not much wear and tear in the vacuum of space, and I doubt it will have significant design itterations during its production life)
      Point being, not all YT-1300 light freighters are the MF, unless you see it in an area with rebel activity or, during republic days, in dank dark space outposts.

      • Vincent Van Laak

        Wear and tear in space actually can be significant, because there is no atmosphere to slow down high velocity dust from asteroid collisions on the other side of the solar system, and nothing to absorb high energy stellar radiation (light and subatomic particles) from not only the nearest sun or suns, but every other one in the sky. Obviously ships have deflector shields to handle these, but insofar as they are not perfect, surfaces will get dinged and burned, especially if you take a ship on a risky flight path. It’s nothing that the ships can’t handle, obviously, but it might mean that you will want to replace your hull plates after a decade or two of service.

        • clogboy

          We’ll just have to assume that they use a metal or coating with hardness 9 or higher that also blocks radiation, like an adamantium/lead alloy. Weight not an issue, I’d say price and rarity definitely are, but since you don’t want to compromise on these things (imagine hyperspeed collisions with space dust) this makes a 500+ years of service life pretty likely. Hey, it’s a space fantasy and I’ve seen nothing yet that contradicts this claim :)
          When it comes to radiation, I’d say in deep space you’d never get more than 0.1% of what planets in a solar system endure every day from their nearest sun. Like an aircraft carrier is more often in the ocean than it is docked, I’d say the same would go for star destroyers, but freighters endure probably 50/50, light freighters (interplanetary transports) more than heavy freighters (interstellar transports). Although the MF used hull plates salvaged from an imperial cruiser.
          The only material mentioned in my source is Transparisteel, which is hardy and blasterproof, but they don’t mention how hard exactly.
          So, while by design the MF is a light freighter, in every aspect it should be considered a tiny and very fast cruiser, weapons, shields and hull plates included.

          • Yasmin Mazur

            wow – I’m impressed – you took this way further than the stage I start humming the MST3K Mantra – it’s a sci-fi movie, they can do whatever they want and not bother with the laws of physics (like they did in Coruscant, for example).
            As far as I know – one of the major problems of Faster than Light speed is hitting anying as small as an atom – which would cause huge damage – not just bangs and scrapes like that thing that hit the International Space Station a couple of years ago. It’s some sort of deflector or bust – so wear and tear would be minimal.

          • clogboy

            That’s a very good point. The energy of motion (and of impact) would have to be massive. Hence the proposed hardness of the hull. Heck it could make diamonds look like crayon, but that on its own still wouldn’t probably be hard enough. Star Destroyers have the right idea though. Their arrow-like shape will deflect almost everything which should help a lot, in terms of going faster and waste less energy on shields while doing so, taking head-on blaster fire etc.

          • Yasmin Mazur

            the MF is not airodinamic – that shape will take a lot of abuse on the sides – the shuttles on earth are narrow and pointy – and that thing is like a plate.
            Makes me wonder about the shapes people claim they see on UFOs – flying saucer wouldn’t work, and those thick cigars – not much better.

          • suburban_samurai

            Friends, we ARE talking about Star Wars here, a series in which gravity is assigned a universal downward pull in outer space.

            You know, that’s actually helped with my initial frustration with The Last Jedi, I’ve just accepted that in Disney’s soft rebooted Star Wars universe, they’ve chosen to depict space as if it were atmosphere flight with downward gravitational forces. Technically, Revenge of the Sith did it too, so it’s not Disney alone that’s responsible for it. And it’s well known the space battles in the OT were based on WWII dogfighting footage. Suffice it to say there’s not much purpose in discussing actual physical space flight as a logical reason for ship design in Star Wars.

            But the reason I like the idea of the Falcon not being 90 or 100 years old, and actually seeing it transition from a new to old ship is because it feels more true to the Star Wars cinematic universe. We’ve jumped multiple decades between three trilogies, and the common ships of each trilogy are continuously updated. That’s not to say the old ships aren’t still flying around somewhere, but much like Earth’s vehicles, what we drive and pilot changes over the decades. Sure, the Falcon could be a super vintage car equivalent, but the idea that it’s the fastest ship in the galaxy at 90 or 100 years old is a little silly (granted far from impossible in universe, especially when taking the EU into account). Even if Solo introduced the Falcon just out of the Corellian shipyards, by the time of TFA, we’re still looking at, like, a forty or maybe fifty year old ship!

            I just like the Falcon to not be some SUPER SPECIAL ship in-universe. It’s special because it’s Han’s ship, and that should basically be it, outside of the modifications he gave it. Otherwise it shouldn’t be significantly better or worse then other freighters, what makes it unique is the characters’ emotional attachment to it, and, by extent, the viewer’s. Anyway, that’s just, like, my opinion, man!

          • Yasmin Mazur

            you should see those restoration shows on Discovery to know what a vintage car can get to make it faster and stronger – and why people are interested in doing that rather than just buy a new model…
            A smuggeler’s vessel needs to be sneaky – look old, but fly better than a new ship. You want to appear harmless to a patrol, but if they realize what you are – you want to get out of there fast.
            Taking an old exterior and giving it a new engine would be one way to achieve this.

          • RickRussellTX

            Heck, maybe Han actually scored and painted the ship himself to make it look much older, just so it wouldn’t draw any attention. I mean it couldn’t have been very new in appearance if Luke thought it was a “piece of junk”.

          • clogboy

            hen it comes to outer space, well… physics are a bit less complicated than on Earth. There is no air resistance, no other gravitational pull than from nearby planets (and, supposedly, gravity generators on board of star ships?), what matters most are Newton’s most basic principles. An object in motion wants to stay in motion, and every force generates an equal and opposite reaction.
            I overlooked this in my ‘weight doesn’t matter in space’ argument; something really heavy needs a stronger force to get it to move than something light. Then it’s a good thing that the Falcon is relatively small. So really, what it has going for it is speed. That’s it for Newtonian physics.

            When it comes to hyperspeed… well… I don’t really think we have a name for those kind of physics yet, other than science fiction. I’m curious for thoughts on this. Is this achieved by quantum physics? Interdimensional travel, or folding space? Or by blatantly ignoring Einstein’s relativity theory, and simply assume that there’s no limit to speed as long as we pump enough energy into it.

            And ofcourse I’m going to accept that it was designed just to look cool, and it was new and groundbreaking tech and storytelling in an era when nobody cared about Star Wars.

          • clogboy

            Yeah I was mostly praising the design of the Star Destroyers (or technically, the Mandalorian ships that predated it). The Falcon’s cross section is pretty aerodynamic though. But yeah the sides and the front gap will gather a lot of stardust.

          • RickRussellTX

            > one of the major problems of Faster than Light speed is hitting anying as small as an atom – which would cause huge damage

            The kinetic energy of any object with mass at the speed of light is infinity. Which is one reason FTL translational motion is generally deemed impossible.

  • Ocean Burning.

    FOCUS, Ken, focus!!!! C’mon, man!!!!!!!!!

    • Kid Chaos

      Don’t stop not dying, Ken! 😎

  • Tom Fritchman

    Aw yeah, if the blade can’t slice him he’s still got his cutting wit!

    And I’m with you, I don’t like it when every character and every little item they own is somehow the specialest of special. Though the Falcon was supposed to look unique, right? Cuz it was modified. Although someone pointed out once that maybe they’re ALL modified. Maybe YT’s come like a bare-bones PC kit. You chose what graphics card and laser turrets to plug into yours.

    • Madison Link

      The Falcon was never explicitly supposed to look unique (in the movies). Han (or Lando) had made some modifications to make it faster in hyperspace (presumably replacing the hyperdrive) and had put in smuggling compartments, but all of that’s interior.
      It’s really, really hard to be an effective smuggler if the authorities can identify you on sight.

      • clogboy

        As linked in another comment of mine, the shields and weapons definitely are upgraded and so is the hull. I’d say that this would stand out. But since it can also outrun cruisers that’s of little consequence.
        It is an outdated model anyway, and since it’s heavily modifiable, you’re unlikely to see one flying around that’s completely authentic, or probably even two roll off the assembly line that are identical (when they were still being produced).
        It’s like what moonshiners do to their delivery vehicles.

        • George Paterson

          Wait, if it’s a little hauler that can outrun big engine starships, maneuver with top of the line fighters, deliver a useful amount of laserpower downrange to a target, and has one of the best hyperdrives in known space exactly how is it “obsolete?” I mean sure, old ship yeah, the components are probably the worse for wear, but that’s not what “obsolete” means.

          • clogboy

            It’s like this after modifications, hacking, and unsupported changes that barely hang together.
            Moreover, the model isn’t being produced anymore, since it’s been replaced with something more economically viable for small shipping companies. And that is what obsolete means.

  • Little Kingsguard

    I know the ground getting torn up is probably from Ken’s bisass sword carving through in the backswing, but part of me wants to believe it’s some DBZ levitating rocks shit.

  • clogboy

    Is that fear I see on Nataku’s face?

    Tell me, Nataku. Do you bleed?

    • RickRussellTX


  • Brandenfascher

    Wanna know who else lost their tongue, Nataku?

  • KungFuKlobber

    Bushidome! Two jerks enter. One jerk leaves.

  • KungFuKlobber

    “Assume everyone will betray you.” *Cut immediately to Lando.*

    I thought this was a nice touch.

  • Kid Chaos

    “Lay on, Macduff! And damn’d be him that first cries ‘Hold, enough!'” 😎
    –“Macbeth”, Act III, Scene 7

    • Dylan

      “Villain, I hath done thy mother.”
      — Titus Andronicus (Act IV, Scene 2)

  • Xinef

    A wild Ken appears!
    Ken used DASH!
    It’s mildly effective!

    Ken used NOT-comeback!

    • clogboy

      It’s super effective.

  • foducool

    how did that sword not shatter lol

    • Kid Chaos

      Um…the Tao? 😎

  • animalia555

    THe guns were custom as well. The thing about the YT-1300 Stock Freighter and other ships by the Correllian Coperation is they were designed by the MANUFACTURER to be customizable. That was their selling point with consumers. There are plenty of guides that explain this.

  • Sam DunKley

    Nataku: Okay, little more than “warmup” tier somehow…shonen bullshit? Shonen bullshit. I’ll deal.

    • suburban_samurai

      If you were looking to avoid shonen bullshit, you came to the wrong place!

      • Kid Chaos

        I’m training to get stronger! 😎

        • Insane Disciple

          What training?

          • Kid Chaos

            It’s a secret. 😁

    • Volker Kleinschmidt

      zzzwhishhhhh!! The arrow lands right in his left eye, distorting that awful grin to a grimace of pain and fury, as Yumiko gets ready to launch number 2…

  • fantastory

    Had Ken had some training with the Tao?

  • RickRussellTX

    These are tough times. If a man can get a job, he might not look too close at what that job is. But a man learns all the details of a situation… then he has a choice.

  • Bepis

    >watch Ken defeat Nataku handily, then get shot right before he can deliver the killing blow by a conveniently-reappearing Wataro arquebusier

    calling it now

  • Nos Rin aka CTCO

    I will expect nothing from the Solo movie. And go see it.

  • Nos Rin aka CTCO

    No. It CANT just be some ship because of all it’s been through in 4-6. It’s a bloody legend.
    My only gripe with the different look on it in this movie (which does explain the, “What have you done with my ship?”) comes from a TT-gamer’s situation. There is actually quite a lot of different Corellian freighters out there for the old RP systems and all YT-1300s are drawn up to have that specific design and now…
    Well anyway, not really that big of a deal. I actually like how he did in fact change a lot about it.
    It will be interesting to see the changes.

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