Insignificante image adjustment: Consider making Nataku’s pinky a little more stunted in Panel 2.
Charles, this has been a huge help! We expected small grammatical correction notes, but having a reader as dedicated to the storytelling as you is going to greatly improve the flow of the book. We intent to implementing the vast majority of the changes you suggest, because they are excellent. I don’t even know how to thank you for the input, it’s invaluable!
Pinky stuntafied and panels moved for better readability.
proofreading note: should be a comma after “Enough” in panel 4. This makes it a direct address instead of a statement of amount. “I’ve had enough, Atsumori. (I don’t want to hear any more.)” vs. “I’ve had enough Atsumori. (I couldn’t eat another bite…)”
Got it. Thanks!
Maybe some day he’ll start listening to his adviser and will actually make a good decision…
Unfortunately, Atsumori is outnumbered 2-to-1 by Nataku and Eijiro (3-to-1 if you count Hirotomo’s raging paranoia).
His paranoia is so great, it counts as its own person!